Gabriel loves the mesh swing, as did his brothers. It has always been a favorite thing to do.
Mr. Mischievious was taunting me after supper tonight. I was washing dishes and he was dancing on the table, laughing and making faces at me! Stinker.
Yesterday morning I went to put on his jeans and they were too tight. That was tough, as they were Tyler's jeans that he last wore. The thought of Gabriel passing up Tyler is just so weird, and it's another reminder that life is moving along without him. One amusing thing though is Tyler's socks. I started having Gabriel wear them, but they were just too Tyler, so I put them away. You wouldn't think a sock would have personality, but it does. So I put these socks away in a box. I found one in my laundry, I've found one on my floor in the morning, on the boy's floor, just random places. Today when I put the totes of clothes on their floor, I cleared out the entire floor, put the totes around the room, and when I put them away, there was another sock under one of them. Each time I find one, I put it in his box in the closet! Nobody goes in there either. Lately it has been a little reminder that just makes me smile.
Tyler in the jeans Gabriel just outgrew, which are the last jeans he wore.
Another since he's so cute. ;)
We had Dawson's yearly IEP meeting this afternoon. I was excited to get the results from his evaluations. It was not very surprising in most areas, but it was overall pleasing to find he is average in most areas, superior in one area, and low in one area. He used to be low, and significantly low in many areas, so even just in the average zone is really awesome! Plus he was right at the line or a little above average in many of the areas, but still in the average section. His lowest area is verbal comprehension, what he is able to tell us and come up with on his own. His receptive comprehension, what he understands as we say it, was much higher and in the average range. His visual spacial was superior, which is numbers, pictures, matching, etc. Processing speed, which is his speed on giving answers and knowing things, was good also. She said it would've been higher than average if his Autism wasn't getting in the way. He kept wanting to count things on each page before giving answers, but he was amazingly fast once he got going, but the way the test is made, it starts the clock when they turn the page. :)
Overall, since the low and the superior areas balanced out, he scored average, in the 39th percentile for his age. We love average! I will take average over low any day. To be told my child is finally caught up with other kids his age is such a relief. He has a long ways to go, especially in areas of speech, which was in the 5th percentile, but he is gaining ground fast and wasn't even on the charts before. That was the Psycologist's evaluation.
His reading scores are in average range for his age, his writing is a bit behind, but when they talked about how they did the test, we realized it was a verbal comprehension problem with him and the test. He knows everything they were asking, he just didn't understand what was being asked of him, and they aren't allowed to word it differently or give hints.
His math scores were the highest, he scored above average! They are all very impressed with how he understands numbers, how high he can count and read numbers, how he can add, even in his head.
His speech evaluation showed what we knew, he doesn't often use pronouns, he refers to himself in 3rd person, and uses names, not "me, my, them, they, I", etc. It's something we've been working on, and he has really wanted to understand and use them, so I think it won't be long before it all clicks. When he says something, I just say it the right way, and he copies, and often he will say it right the next time with no prompting needed. :) He struggles with pronunciation with the letters L, R, TH, S and Z, which is actually appropriate for Kindergarten, so they say this area is average! We have worked so hard on pronunciation over the summer and he has improved so much! A lot of it is just an oral maturity thing, so once he grows and matures a bit, it will come.
One of the best lines in the speech report - "his speech is intelligible to familiar and unfamiliar listeners"! This was not the case a couple years ago, and I remember being very surprised that others didn't understand him, because I did! So that one came as a hard hit to me at the time.
His narrative story-telling skills are still low, but have started to develop. He really had none before, and now he is saying an average of 3 words to describe a picture, and 6 after the story is read and they go back and have him say something about it.
Social skills there was a big discrepancy between home and school. Our eval of him was much higher than theirs, but that is a new environment with many kids, where home is more personal and he is more open with us. So that is common. At least we know he can, and he is getting better. He was observed sharing his art work with other kids, asking for help, offering help, and making sure people are ok if accidentally bumped into. These are all huge things! He used to completely ignore other kids. I really think having kids over most of the summer helped him so much. Just interaction with other kids, and I worked a lot with him on being respectful, taking turns, recognizing their emotions, etc. It's so nice to see the progress. They scored him around 50% ability, where we scored him at 73%.
The Autism Specialist says he still doesn't initiate play and needs heavy adult cues. He gets a bit overwhelmed sometimes in large group play, especially when it's not very organized. He doesn't do pretend play yet, though at home I have seen the beginning of some at times, but he has regressed recently and I haven't seen it for a while. His social skills seem quick to regress with his grieving process, as does his speech and behavior.
He has been rocking as a comfort thing during circle time, which replaced humming, so the less distracting thing has been appreciated. He also has been observed talking to the walls. He will often put his hand to his mouth and whisper something to someone. He has been doing this at home as well, in the bathroom and his bedroom. I fully believe it's a grieving thing and he is talking to Tyler throughout the day as his way of coping. So far it has not been disruptive or interfered with his work time, so nobody is going to bother him about it. His regression and actions are all showing that he is really having a hard time with things, and a child's body will actually revert back to where they were before their sibling died, to try getting a grasp of things.
We went to a workshop for grieving children on tuesday, and that was a bit insightful. It was more reassuring that we are already doing all the right things. They said regression is normal and temporary, and it's important to allow it to happen and allow them to work through it as they need to. So if he needs to do his obsessive elevator play in the closet, or watch Tyler's videos over and over, or talk to him in the bathroom, that is ok. As he ages, his understanding of life will continue to mature and he will handle things differently. I have also noticed it comes and goes in phases. He has gone a couple months without watching videos, and now for the last 2 months it has been a daily thing.
It's something that all of us will continue to work on, the ups and downs, the need to do certain things and feel certain ways, and the understanding that it is ok. The difference with Dawson is that understanding. I can tell myself that it's ok to be mad or sad today. Dawson is confused and wants so badly to be happy, and seems to take it personally and ends up acting out in frustration. In time that should get better. A lot of time. A couple people who are about 15 years past the death of their child, gave a more accurate description than the stages of grief, because it is not a neat line of feelings to check off the list, it is all over the place and back again. This is what the one parent said, which is about the same as the other had said too.
The first stage I could call "Initial Shock and Heavy Grieving". This stage lasts for 1-2 years; the first is more shock, the second is more actual grieving--and very likely will be more intense than the first because your mind is clearer to remember and grieve.
The second stage (going up thru years 5-6) I could call "Slogging Thru The Mud"; where things BEGIN to get better, but still hard. We Bereaved Parents, in addition to our grief, are subject to mental disorders like Major Depression and PTSD (PTSD affects over 90% of bereaved cancer parents). That's understandable; the trauma and shock of losing our child does all kinds of things to our brain chemistry, such as living with high levels of cortisol (the "fight-or-flight" brain chemical). It has its effects on parts of the brain involving mood, learning and memory.
The third stage (going up thru years 7-10) have been "The First Rays of Sunshine", which is when it seriously starts getting better--never "over it", more like "having gotten thru the worst of it".
I'm continually appreciative of everyone who has been understanding, who have allowed us to grieve as we need to without judgement, you are priceless people and we are so thankful to have you in our lives. :)
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